Trigger Warning: Death, Miscarriage
Not too many things make me just... stop. Just brain broken, not being able to move, full stop. Now if you don't know how significant that is for me, I am a natural busy body. I always need to feel and be busy. A Capricorn personified.
My recent string of events hit differently. It felt like a personal attack; these happenings were designed to make me process hurt and trauma unlike usual. My normal mode is to cruise through the situation as quickly as possible and try to forget it as quickly as possible. It's what I'm used to and the environment I was raised in. With all of the hurt and trauma I've experienced, I have yet to be forced to sit in a moment of hurt and really let it marinate. I had to allow myself to fully experience that I was having a miscarriage and then a few days later that I lost my Father-in-law.
I began documenting my pregnancy journey as soon as I found out because... well I'm an influencer and 1. It's great content and 2. It's like a live baby book. I continued to document this journey during the miscarriage, continued through losing my Father-in-law, and through any feelings, I had afterward. Completing the story was not only important to my healing but it being complete took it off of a list of tasks that I had started and stopped. At that point, I really needed to see it through for my mental health.
Immediately after discovering that I was losing my pregnancy, I decided that day I was taking a sweet summer hiatus from social media and focusing on that moment. But in a way, it felt like my body was making the decision for me to be present. I couldn't leave the house or bed for 4 days because my body felt like it was in labor. My brain along with the rest of my body literally felt broken and the pressures of social media did not need to be added to that.
Although this sweet summer hiatus had a rocky road ice cream start, life has gone on and has become softer and more centered. I invite you to follow the My Miscarriage Story series on Youtube as well as any other content added to my Youtube & Pinterest for updates and of course vibes.
Subscribe and stay up to date on my website and YouTube... and just everywhere else once I'm off this hiatus lol.
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